everyone has that one text post that you suddenly remember and weirdly bark-laugh in the shower
FILE THIS UNDER “JOKES I DID NOT GET WHEN I SAW THE MOVIE AS A CHILD”.
do vampires just use their teeth to make a puncture wound and then suck, or are their fangs like a straw
i havent slept in three days
"hairless cats are disgusting!"
"hairy women are disgusting!"
nothing pisses me off more than the fact that 90% of women’s jeans have non-functioning pockets but baby clothes have proper pockets? what are babies carrying around that i’m not? baby wallets? fuck off
April 20th is also Hitler’s birthday.
my mom’s boyfriend was born on april 20 in 1969. his birthday is 4/20/69. there is literally no better day to be born.
I hope you fall in love with a man with good music taste and a jawline stronger than your wifi connection
i’m going to reblog this every monday until i die.